How giving ourselves the gifts we give to others brings us back to JOY!

I’m sitting in Sukhasana (Easy Seat Pose) at the end of a gentle yoga asana and chanting practice with tears of gratitude running down my cheeks. It’s the final night of my five-night yoga retreat as a participant, not a leader, at Suan Sati in Northern Thailand. I booked this retreat (finally!) for myself back in July, when everything was feeling very uncertain, and I hoped that having a retreat for myself on the horizon, one where I could just fully BE a student and guest, would provide a much-needed glimmer of hope and excitement.

All photo credits: Jeslyn Tai

Life doesn’t feel much more certain now than it did back in July. The external circumstances haven’t changed very much. But thanks to travel, yoga, and taking the time to seek inspiration, my internal circumstances have changed a lot. Suan Sati was the perfect ending to a trip that kept stretching me like a Thai massage. First, Zach and I wandered Northern India, following the journal of my recently-departed grandfather who studied religion there 50 years ago. Then we hosted our own retreat in Chiang Mai, Thailand, our every-other-year tradition of guiding an amazing group through a week of Buddhist philosophy, yoga and meditation, and nature adventures.

On a confident day, I’m certain the work I do is helping others, but at other times I still get mentally stuck in imposter syndrome and anxious inner dialogue like, “Should I really be doing this with my life? Should I just give up and get a real job? Are we even deserving of having people travel around the world for our retreat?”

Taking this retreat opportunity for myself reaffirmed the POWER of these experiences blending travel, peaceful nature, grounding yoga, and like-minded community! Suan Sati’s stellar reputation for high-quality yoga programs and the affordability of their offerings made it an easy pick.

I wasn’t sure how it would feel to switch suddenly from leader to participant, but I was so ready to let go that it felt liberating! Instead of running things with my brain always one step ahead, I got to experience the joy of learning from skilled teachers, going with the flow of a schedule I didn’t build myself, digital detoxing, and fully immersing in the splendor of nature and new friends.

There is so much joy in teaching and guiding. I LOVE my role and feel most aligned with my purpose when I am facilitating comfort-zone-expanding yoga and travel experiences for our groups. But still, holding space for others is energetically demanding. It requires constant emotional presence, diligent planning, and effortless problem-solving. It was long overdue for me to attend a retreat I wasn’t in charge of in order to garner new inspiration and to let my nervous system fully rest and reset. Seeking this balance between giving and receiving makes me a better teacher, entrepreneur, and all-around human.

The ice bath workshop was one of my favorites, of course!

The happy tears I shed after a beautiful bhakti flow expressed the weight of a responsibility, the lightness of a release, and the joy of so much appreciation:

The responsibility is to continue doing my work in the world even when any other path looks easier. To love myself so well that I can show up at my best for others. To practice what I preach.

The release is to give up my egoic desires to control, manage, and over-identify with the outcomes of my actions. To not believe those intrusive, fearful thoughts and instead keep trusting that all I need to do is my best then let go of results.

And the appreciation is for the new connections that nurtured my heart with such satisfying resonance. With almost every conversation during my time at Suan Sati there was a feeling of gratitude from people just “getting me” even though we had all just met each other that week!

By the end of the six-day experience my body, mind, and soul felt so peaceful, present, and empowered thanks to the balanced blend of different yoga styles, colorful healthy food, journaling and naptime, and nature immersion. I realized how blessed I am that I get to love both sides of the yoga retreat experience – both as a facilitator and a forever student! I already can’t wait to return to this simple, cozy home base in the rice fields.

Partner yoga in our final retreat class at Suan Sati!

One of Suan Sati’s catchphrases is, “There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward.” (Khalil Gibran) Giving IS joyous, however service and generosity without a stable foundation of your own needs being met is a recipe for burnout and exhaustion. Receiving is joyous as well!

Perhaps now’s a good time to ask yourself which one you gravitate to – giving or receiving? And which one is more out of your comfort zone, pointing out where your growth can be found? How can you give yourself the gifts you regularly give to others?

Some ideas:

If you’re a chef, go out and dine somewhere enjoyable and inspiring to you!

If you’re a parent, make sure you have a mom or dad figure in your life as well.

If you’re a photographer, experiment with being in front of the lens instead of behind it.

It’s vital to open up your time and space to receive, learn, grow, and break out of habitual patterns and roles.

When we allow ourselves to receive the nourishment we so often give away, we reconnect with our purpose from a place of fullness rather than depletion. Retreats remind us that restoration is not indulgence; it’s preparation. A replenished heart leads to more grounded service, more authentic teaching, and a more vibrant, well-balanced life.

So let yourself receive. You deserve the same care, inspiration, and tenderness you offer so generously to others.